Birth is Not Inherently Dangerous
The first time I saw this story, I was mindlessly scrolling on Instagram. I read the headline that a woman’s baby was decapitated by her doctor during her hospital birth. Sitting here now, I feel queasy and I need to take a few deep breaths before continuing. But when I first read this, I didn’t want to see it and I continued scrolling. I wasn’t surprised, after all the horror stories I have heard and read about what doctors and nurses do to women who choose to or are forced to birth in the hospital. It took several times and several days for me to allow myself to feel what I was reading. Yes, it can feel like just another day in the United States maternal “health care” system, just another tragic headline to scroll by, just another birth horror story, but these unnecessary tragedies occur all too often and although this has become our new normal, this shit is not normal.
We are so numbed out and desensitized to tragedy in our culture that we barely bat an eye when we see a news story like this. Or maybe we do bat an eye and we get angry for a bit, we share the story to our newsfeed or we talk about it with our friends and family, but over time the story fades, and nothing changes. Women continue to literally buy into the idea that birth is dangerous and must be medically managed. Why is that? Why don’t we heed the warnings that come through in the form of dead babies and mothers? How is it that a woman could read a story like this and not question what’s going on in hospitals? Not only did this woman’s baby get decapitated and die due to completely unnecessary excessive force from her OB, but the entire staff also proceeded to lie to the parents and cover up their fatal mistakes by discouraging an autopsy and encouraging cremation.
How often does this happen? How many mothers and fathers have been lied to about how their baby died or was injured? How many mothers have cried and begged to hold their babies but were told that they weren’t allowed to? How many mothers were only allowed to look at their baby after a nurse swaddled and propped them up to make it seem as though their body was intact when that wasn’t true at all? How many mothers have been convinced to cremate their baby’s body so that every shred of evidence of torture and deceit would be turned to ash? How broken down and abused does a mother have to be to believe that she isn’t allowed to hold her baby or choose how to honor his life?
These are the questions we must ask and demand answers to. And when they go unanswered and dismissed as a rarity, we must turn inwards and ask ourselves. Does this feel right to me? Does this feel safe? Does this feel like a system whose number one priority is caring for mothers and children? Or does this feel wrong? Does this feel dangerous? Does this feel more like a system that uses, abuses, and drains women emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially?
The United States is a highly litigious country and hospitals are corporations. They are businesses looking to make the most amount of money possible and lose the least amount possible. Hospitals don’t care about you or your family or your unborn child. And that doctor didn’t either. She spent years of her life being dehumanized, indoctrinated, and trained to follow protocol and to cover her ass and the hospital’s ass no matter what. Her allegiance isn’t to women and neither is any other obstetricians. Their allegiance is to the system, to the hospital, to their practice, to the government, to whoever they report to, whoever signs their paycheck.
The fear-mongering runs so deep in our culture and in our “health care” system that the moment that this female doctor killed her patient’s baby, her first thought was not one of empathy or sorrow, it was ‘what’s going to happen to me?’ Can you imagine feeling more concerned about being sued than feeling the impact of holding a dead baby in your hands?
And this isn’t a story about one rare heartless doctor. Behind this one doctor is an entire team of adults who helped her attempt to cover this up. The medical system brainwashes and trains all who move through it to defend and uphold the system at all costs. I can’t imagine how quickly things must have been moving for this to all happen so seamlessly. I can’t imagine how confused and disassociated the mother had to be while all of this was going on around her. I can’t imagine living in a world where a mother finds out her baby was decapitated from the funeral home four days later and not the second it happened. I can’t imagine. And yet somehow, this is the world we live in. And somehow, there are women giving birth in that same hospital right now as I type this and you read this.
Women, there is another way. Birth is not inherently dangerous. Danger enters the birthing room along with disturbance, disruption, and abuse. Having a doctor, or anyone for that matter, pull on your baby’s head with any level of force is dangerous. Having someone stick their hand in your vagina, insisting on checking the dilation of your cervix while you are in labor is dangerous and increases the risk of infection each time they do it. Giving birth outside of your home and being around unfamiliar bacteria in a place filled with sick people increases the risk of infection. Driving or riding in a car is dangerous. All of these things are dangerous and come with risks. Birth is not inherently dangerous. Birthing at home, where you are comfortable and familiar, supported by people you are comfortable and familiar with also comes with risk- but is not inherently dangerous.
Women have been birthing babies for thousands and thousands of years outside of the hospital. It is a complete and total myth that taking birth out of the home and forcing women into the hospital has led to better outcomes for mothers and their babies. This has only increased the amount of abuse and manipulation women experience during their births. Maternal mortality rates are outrageously high and climbing in a country that claims to be the wealthiest and most developed in the world. And when we look at the disparities between black and white women, the numbers are even more shocking. Our “health care” system is an absolute joke and women deserve better. Women deserve to live, our babies deserve to live, and we deserve to come out of our births feeling transformed, well-supported, and nourished, not traumatized, alone, and depleted.
The good news is that sisterhood always is and sisterhood is strong. There is a whole global community of women who trust women and trust birth. There are mothers who have experienced the freedom and power of birthing and mothering completely outside of the medical system. There are crones that live to tell their tales of sovereignty and autonomy. There are maidens eager to support and devote their time in service to women and their families. There are children that are thriving and flourishing beautifully without any intervention from obstetricians, medical midwives, or pediatricians. This community exists and there is a different way to live and birth free from abuse and control. Sister, you are not alone.
I pray for this beautiful family and Mother who are currently living this nightmare. May you be protected from further harm. May you be supported emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially. May you find moments of peace and solace during this turbulent time. May your son’s spirit continue to be felt, honored, and held ever so tenderly. May we take the time to drop into our hearts and wombs and allow ourselves to feel the pain of your story. May we not become desensitized to the death of a baby or the death of a mother. May we speak our truths freely and loudly in sisterhood. May no Mother have to experience this ever again. May we wrap you in love and grace now and forever. May it be so.
