Living in Love
I used to not understand what people meant when they would say that fear is the opposite of love. I had a hard time comparing the two. I was taught that hate was the opposite of love. I don’t remember ever learning anything about fear.
I understand now. I’ve experienced what living in fear and what living in love feels like, and I much prefer living in love. Living in love takes trust. Depending on the situation, maybe it takes a lot of communication, maybe it takes a quiet understanding. It takes courage, it takes faith, it takes self-esteem, self-love, confidence. These words are all the same, trust, courage, faith, confidence.
Living in fear doesn’t take any of that. It’s easier to live in fear and it’s how we’ve been hardwired to live. They both feel scary, living in love and living in fear. Life itself is just fucking scary. Courage, the ability to feel scared and do the thing anyway, is the main ingredient. You either have it or you don’t.
When I am living in fear, I’m disconnected from all that I know and all that I am. When I am living in love, I am rooted, I am grounded, I am connected with all there is. And I’m at peace. There is no peace in a life of fear.
If you’re having trouble discerning which one you’re living in, try asking yourself these questions:
When was the last time I felt at peace? What exactly does peace mean to me? How do I feel in my body when I am at peace?
I say there is no peace in a life of fear because fear thrives on chaos. On chaos, confusion, and what-ifs. You may notice you are living in fear if you are ruminating, or stuck in the mind-chatter loop. Maybe your breath is shallow, maybe you feel like things are out of control, out of your control.
These are all signs for me, that I am living in fear. My quiet and slow-paced life feels chaotic, it feels like I can’t keep up with simple everyday tasks. I have a hard time making decisions and setting boundaries because I am not grounded. I feel flighty. I have trouble paying attention, I feel the urge to check out behind a screen and tune into a life that isn’t mine. I feel worried all of the time, wondering what if this happens or what if that happens. I feel like things are slipping away from me like I am losing things, I can’t get a firm grasp.
And I am out of control during these times, because I’m not driving the car, fear is. I have dreams that I’m driving a car and the brakes don’t work and even though I’m doing nothing but pressing the brakes, the car keeps going faster and faster.
Living in love feels much calmer. My quiet and slow-paced life actually appears and feels to be quiet and slow-paced. I am able to hold gratitude for the fact that my life is quite peaceful and slow. I am present with my breath and my body. I am able to take long, slow, controlled, deep breaths. I am present with my loved ones. When they are speaking, I am listening. I feel the urge to be creative. I want to write or read or garden or spend time with friends in my spare time. I feel like things are flowing in and out of me. I don’t desire to be in control or have a firm grasp on anything. I understand that everything ebbs and flows, things come and go.
I am neither in control nor out of control. And there are no cars present in my dreams.
Living in love takes work, while at the same time takes nothing at all, but a great surrender- a letting go. Love is our natural state of being. Living in love takes remembrance.
