Living Vicariously Is No Way To Live

This year I have connected to my spirituality and spiritual practices more deeply than I ever have before. The voice in my head that is constantly judging me and those around me got a little quieter and I felt more comfortable allowing myself to use words like god and to do things, like pray. I got to a place where I could let go of society’s definitions of those words and redefine them for myself.

A couple of months ago, I started a New Moon ritual of writing and reading aloud my manifestations and creating a vision board. I follow a few accounts on Instagram that inspired me to do so and I thought I’d give it a shot. I believe the New Moon is a great time for calling things in and the Full Moon is a great time for releasing and letting things go. I’ve also been learning more about the power of asking for what you desire, naming it, and being as specific as possible when doing so. I believe in all of these things.

This month, when the New Moon rolled around I wasn’t feeling up to it, so I didn’t participate in my new ritual. I didn’t sit down to meditate or pray. I didn’t write down or speak my manifestations. I didn’t work on my vision board. And I’ll be honest, I felt a little bit of shame around this. But I told myself that there was still time, these things don’t necessarily need to be done on the exact day of the New Moon, as long as they get done before the Full Moon.

Well here I am, a week out from the Full Moon and I’ve finally decided and accepted the fact that I am not going to sit down and pray on this month’s manifestations. I’m not going to participate in my new ritual that I have felt so good about the last two months.

And that’s ok.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have not felt as connected spiritually. I haven’t shown up to sit in ceremony and meditate and pray. I haven’t even gone to my favorite Monday night Yin class. I’ve spent a lot of time sleeping and watching Hulu and falling asleep while watching Hulu.

And that’s ok.

The thing I sometimes forget about these deeply personal practices (and life in general) is that they are ours to define and create however suits us. Just because someone I follow online practices this ritual one way doesn’t mean I have to do it the same. I can pick and choose what feels right for me. And what feels right one month, might not feel right the next. There are no rules that say I have to do this or that every 30 days or else I’m a fraud.

Do you know what else I haven’t participated in the last couple of weeks? Social media. No instagram or facebook scrolling. No watching videos from my favorite spiritual accounts, no reading their insights or horoscopes or astrological readings. And it’s made me question if my spirituality is tied to instagram. What does it look like for me to be spiritual without the influence of social media? Do I really want to be a spiritual teacher or do I just like the aesthetic of it?

I recently started reading the book Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown and as she is talking about her spirituality and the inspiration she’s gotten from reading or hearing about spiritual leaders she says,

“Those truths resonate with me when I read or hear about them, even without the context of their whole spiritual journey. But I know that to truly understand, to truly be able to transform myself and develop that own unflappable core, I cannot vicariously live their spiritual lessons: I must walk my own path.”

When I read that, I felt that Truth in my bones. Reflecting on the quote now, I see how much it has stuck with me and why. And I see how difficult it can be in this day and age to not only live authentically but especially to live an authentic spiritual life.

Everything has been commodified. E V E R Y T H I N G. How in the hell did we commodify spirituality? I mean, are you even spiritual if you don’t go to a retreat in a different country to drink Ayahuasca and discover who you truly are? Did it even actually happen if you didn’t document every second of it, edit it into a 30-second reel, and get at least 500 views on Instagram? Capitalism is truly relentless. I know I may sound judgey here and it’s because I kind of am, but also this is literally something I would do!

I guess what I’m trying to say is exactly what adrienne maree brown said. We cannot be vicariously spiritual. God said it don’t work like that! Period! Double tapping a post from the witch you follow, about the download she received during her meditation does not equal you meditating and receiving the same download. In order to receive messages from the universe via meditation, you have to actually sit your ass down and meditate!!

In Emergent Strategy, she goes on to write,

“Our generation must walk the spiritual path that is available to us only in this time, with its own unique combination of wisdom and creation. I think there are many ways to find that simple path within ourselves, and I think that those of us who wish to see a truly, radically different world must demand of ourselves the possibility that we are called to lead not from right to left, or from minority to majority, but from spirit towards liberation.”

I believe our generation’s greatest flaw is dreaming of this amazing and radically different world, yet falling short when it comes to taking real action in real life. It’s not enough to repost on your story or to even create an original post on your story. We’re great at getting loud online and demanding more from the world through the tips of our thumbs, but what about demanding more of ourselves?

All of this to say two things, 1. Living an authentically spiritual life means we’ve got to take the time to get to know and connect to ourselves because we’ll never truly get there if we are constantly trying to fit into someone else’s mold. And 2. It’s extremely valuable for me to put my phone down and take a step back from that fake and overwhelming world so that I can decipher what’s mine and what isn’t. And if it’s valuable for me, then there’s a good chance that it’s valuable for at least one other human that’s going to read this.

So if you’re that one human, I challenge you to stop scrolling and give your mind, body, and spirit a chance to reset. I challenge you to stop living vicariously through the people you follow because that’s no way to live. Go live for real. Go meditate for real. Heck, go to another country and sit in ceremony and don’t post about it for real. Go demand more of yourself and the people around you and create that radically different world for real. I dare you to… for real for real.